There’s always the kid who went to boarding school

Whether you’re being fellated under the button or introducing yourself in that Queer Theory and Rhetoric class, one’s prior schooling is bound to come up one way or another: 

“Oh, well I didn’t go to public school…”

“I’ve been living in dorms since I was 14…”

“I’m from Taiwan but I actually went to a little boarding school in New Hampshire…”

And when this happens, it’s custom for us to act nonplussed. We don’t want to immediately give away the fact that we went to public school and thus don’t “understand.” To be in awe of them is to give them validation for paying college tuition for four extra years just to end up in the exact same institutions as the kids who had the more traditional American experience—smelly, gritty, free-for-all education—ew? And we are simply not willing to reward fake-modesty; we can all see your Choate shirt under your cardigan… 

And there will invariably be someone from a “top” public high school who will squeeze this unnecessary nugget of information into the dialogue. Unfortunately for him the audience squeezes it right back out like an ugly pimple… apathetic silence for the win.